There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
