My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
