Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
