You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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