last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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