I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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