Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
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Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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