I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
