My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
