Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
