never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
This house was built for laser tag.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
