he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
