i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
