These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
