just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
