So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
