My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
