Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
