This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
