i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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