Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
