I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I accidentally had phone sex last night
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
