I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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