i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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