hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
