Me too!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
