brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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