The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
