ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
