I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
