ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
