smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
