This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
