U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Nicole vs. Life
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
