Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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