Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
