put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
BRING THE BAGELS
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
