Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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