last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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