wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
