yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
