so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
