I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
