are you still at the devil's house?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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