OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize