you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
