I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We left the knife in your bed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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