My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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