That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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