mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
