Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
