my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
