If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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