No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
