is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
