So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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