Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
