I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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