just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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