I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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