Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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