At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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