when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
