remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
