No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
