We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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