Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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