Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
