yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
